Listening - the lost art by Susan Creal

As a child, listening was one of my least favorite skills to perfect. I can remember back in the fourth grade, bringing home my report card with the 'needs to follow directions' and 'needs to listen ' boxes checked with a bright red marker. In the sixth grade, I was moved to every corner of the room simply because of my lack of listening. I would talk your ear off before I was remotely able to actually listen to what YOU had to say. It was sad.

Over time, and through experience, I HAD to learn SUPERIOR listening skills as an educator to listen to my students, parents and administration. To my and account holders as I worked in sales, to my weight loss clients as I prepared their fitness plan and now as a coach as I work with hundreds of women, actively listening to what is said and most importantly what is NOT said. It is imperative to my practice to continuously work on this skill and share how I do it with you.

• Always face speakers directly. Look directly in their eyes as this establishes trust.

• Stay in the NOW. Clear your mind of other thoughts as you concentrate on what exactly is being said. This can be really hard to do, however with a little practice, it will get easier!

• Be aware of the fact that the other person is always 'right' in their own world.

• Listen with interest and most of all patience. Any kind of fighting is blatantly noticeable and can irritate the speaker.

• Listen opulently, without prejudice. Notice how your body feels as you visualize yourself opening up like a bird opening its wings of acceptance.

• In your own words, reflect back to what the speaker just said. You are showing that you understand what they are saying and feeling as you prepare your response.

• Remain curious as you ask questions using open ended questions that start with "what," "where," "when," "how," "who," "why."

• Establish rapport by matching the momentum, body language, tone of voice and types of vocabulary the person is using.

Action Item :

* This week use just one of these tips on someone you are listening to and notice what happens. Does it change their interaction with you? Do you feel more empowered? Write about it in your journal.

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